Embrace the inevitable adversity

This is a quote that I read a while back from Peter Rukavina and I love the the simplicity and succinctness of the four words.  Adversity is inevitable in life so you might as well embrace it rather than fight it. 

I am still trying to figure out my retirement plan over the coming months as there are a couple of options for me, but I am still hoping to be finished by March 17th.  I am looking forward to working on things that interest me rather than things that are passed to me by government.  I'm not sure what that will be, but each day away from government I feel a little bit more relaxed and comfortable in my own environment.  

Vicki has broken her Tibia and dislocated her ankle so she currently has limited mobility and is staying with us for the the immediate future.  It is interesting as she is used to living by herself and Cheryl and I are used to our routine.  So far so good. 

Lots of changes afoot for the new year!

 

Lots more info to follow.  I have been wanting to write here, but I have so many thoughts in my head is it hard to unscramble them into cohesive subjects... To be continued

Ok, I will start with the photos above, just to get the ball rolling.  I received the pictures of Mom & Dale above from Barb Tait after Christmas.  Great to see new/old memories as I have exhausted most of my inventory of old pictures.  Nice to see Mom with a smile on her face as when I close my eyes and think of her, the first image that comes to mind is the oxygen mask and a wheelchair.  There was a time when she was happy and healthy. On January 31 it will be 12 years since she has been gone.

It was probably the first Christmas since Andrew died, that I felt slightly relaxed.  Not Holly & Jolly, but a peaceful relaxing time with the kids.  We slowed down our spending this year and are focusing now mainly on our immediate family (kids and parents) with much less consumerism.  We decorated minimally this year, and have learned to spread Christmas out a bit without jamming it all into one day.  Dad & Joyce came down boxing day for dinner which lessened the pressure on everyone.  Hoping that continues in the coming years.  

Dad surprised me with a painting by Kilby which depicts a tree (Ask me if I'm a tree?  Inside Joke).  I was caught off guard and we hung it at the front door where it brightens the area and is a constant reminder that life is short and we need to live it.  

We had our annual friend group dinner at Merchant Man.  It is so nice to get together especially now that we don't hang out as often.  They will always be a reminder of the people we shared over 25 years of friendship with on various adventures including vacations, parties, guys weekends, girls weekends and various gatherings.  The support of these people helped all of to grow as people.

2026  is going to be a major liminal point for me as I am finally pulling the plug on my government career.  It has been 25+ years and I have burned myself out.  It is time to move on.  It is complicated at the moment as there are various programs to decrease government employees including an early retirement incentive that I am hoping to advantage of.  If things go well, March 17, 2026 will be my last official day of government.  Still waiting for the dust to settle at this point.

Liminal Awareness

 I have talked here about liminal points, key points of transition in my life.  Typically, I see those points in the review mirror after the fact.  Times like going to university.  Getting Pregnant.  Getting Married.  Buying our first house.  Having 3 kids.  As well as numerous milestones and liminal points along the way. 

I am currently aware of being in the middle of a liminal point.  Kind of like being in the eye of the hurricane.  I am making numerous realizations in real time as I prepare to retire from government and move on to whatever comes next.  Some of the realizations that I have made include:

• I never really wanted to work for government, in fact I was vehemently against it as I watched my dad work for government over the years.  That said, I see colleagues now that have chosen this career specifically and trained for it and are willing to go the extra mile for what they are searching for in Government. 
• I worked hard in Government for 25 years and went above and beyond for most of my career.  Things are getting stale now and that is natural. 
• I am seeing signs everywhere that it is time to go including all of my network contacts over the years being retired, moving on or dying.  This includes Gordon Cobb who passed away recently while still working for ACOA. 
• For years I was focused on money.  While money is important, I am now realizing that it is time to slow down a bit and enjoy the fruits of our labours.  Cheryl is actively pursuing here Masters in Island studies which has many potential travel opportunities.  The kids have moved out and are doing ok on their own.  The amount of money that we need to get by has decreased significantly, so I can now slow down and "do what feels right" as opposed to "Doing what pays the bills".  I may or may not work somewhere else, but if I do, I hope it is fun. 
• More to follow as my official retirement date is tentatively March 17, 2025, although I am technically off work now.

Another year winding down

Tomorrow is December 11th.  Andrew would have been 33.  Crazy.  

Much has changed in 6 years as both Dan & Vicki are out on their own and both employed.  Cheryl is working on her Masters in Island Studies and finding new and exciting adventures through this program including potential travel to other Islands.  I am hoping to retire early in the coming months as I wait for a new Federal program that allows for early retirement without penalty to be implemented.  I am looking forward to getting away from the Federal system as I feel completely burned out and frustrated with current changes to the system.  

It has been a long road to this point employment-wise as I look back and realize that the job served me well over the years when I needed it, even though I had never planned to work for government, but now it is time for me to move on.  I will have much more to say on this topic, but I am reluctant to delve too deeply until the retirement process has been completed.  I will add that this reminds me of when I left Watts Communications 25 years ago, but on a much larger scale.

Happy birthday Andrew.  As always your presence is felt and continues to shape how our family evolves.  You would be happy to know that we all seem to get along well and that everyone seems to be moving forward in their lives.  

Another friend gone

Kilby Delaney passed away on Friday night.  She had been sick for a while with cancer, but she hung on for quite a long time.  Up until 2 days before her passing she was posting on facebook and making plans to attend activities such as canvas painting.

Although I haven't spoken to Kilby in a while, we go way back to Osborne Street in the early 80's.  This, among many other things lately, are a reminder to me that life is short and you need to live it.  Sometimes life can end like it did for Kilby and Winston, and sometimes you get more chances like Randy Burrows heart attack, Mark Sambrooke's brain cancer, Paula & Jill's health scare as well as my own experiences with my liver and stomach.  The bottom line is that you don't know when or how we are going to go.  It reminds me of a discussion Winston & I had in high school when he quoted the old adage, "that which does not kill me makes me strong", to which I replied, "But how do you know what is going to kill you until you try it?"  Life is meant to be lived and I am getting back on track with that as I start to realize that my job is not going the way I thought it would and that I never really chose this career.  I am hoping to do something more fun, or at least something I can leave at the door for work in the near future. 

To Kilby, I quote our old high school dumb jokes:

• Ask me if I'm a tree
• Are you a tree?
• No, why do I look like a tree?

• Your door is ajar
• No, my door is a door, a jar is a thing that you store food in!

Rest in peace, Kilby.

 

Battery Charged. Another Liminal Point. Change is afoot.

 

Cheryl and I spent last weekend in Cape Breton driving and hiking the Cabot Trail.  It has been on our bucket list for a few years now.  It was absolutely spectacular.  The views, the hills, the people, the hiking, the gondola ride to the top of Cape Smokey.  It was all a great experience with no distractions.

It gave me time to put things in perspective in my life and to make a few decisions about my future.  I got into Government as a means to support my family when I was young with the goal of exiting in 2030 which would give me 30 years and full pension when I retired.  A lot has changed in my life in the last 30 years and I have come to realize that I am not the man I used to be nor are my goals the same.  My kids are doing ok, we have a house and 2 new cars and I no longer need to wait until 2030 to retire.  Granted, I will take a significant penalty by leaving early, but my sanity is worth more than that penalty.  I have been burned out and stressed out and frustrated over the last couple of years and it has been getting steadily worse.  

I am currently on sick leave until February and am seriously contemplating an early retirement so that I can do something else.  I am not sure what that is, but I want more control over my employment.  I want things to be fun rather than dreading going to work each day.  

As I came to this realization, and even as I type this here, I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulder.  I am excited to see what the future will bring.

Battery

Sometimes I feel like a battery.  When I was young and my battery was new, it was fully charged and would take almost no time to recharge fully to its original state.  As I get older, much like a battery, I don't seem to be able to hold the charge for as long, and when I do try to recharge it can take a long time and does not fully charge to 100%.  Also, the battery drains much quicker than it used to.