Random Thoughts

Ok,  This one has been a long time coming.  Gonna be a long one as It is a dump of a bunch of saved notes as well as being a summary of a tumultuous few days.  It all ends well, but strap yourself in for a bumpy ride on this note as it is going to be all over the map.

• Never have the two sides of my personality been so directly apparent, then my radio station choices.  The dulcet CBC tones of official information for my serious side and 93.1FM. Classic Rock for those power drives between work stops to remind me to relax and enjoy the ride. 
• I heard a story about pigs on CBC Radio.  If a farmer loses a pig, he only has a short time to find it before it starts growing tusks and spikes and can no longer be domesticated.  Same could be said for people.  Once we think for ourselves, it is very hard to become domesticated.  Or to fall back into the herd.  Also, maybe we are meant to grow tusks and spikes and the fences are only keeping us as tame pigs.
• Generally I go against the Grain and that's what has worked well for me. Having something resistant to work against has always been my forte and if people are going in one direction, I generally look and can see the positive and seek the other direction, much like salmon swinging against the current.  Not only has it served me well forcing me to work harder, but it often gives me a unique perspective that allows me to make decisions that in the long run usually end up benefitting me.   
• AI represents perfection in a world where we strive to be perfect but we really don't want to attain it because, while we like to be in the sun if you get too close you are going to get burned. 
• I Forgot how important being Nimble is for me.  I was so nimble growing up.  In fact it was probably my defining feature.  I was tiny and short and nimble.  My nibbleness became my advantage growing up being able to do things faster and quicker than others.  This slowed as I aged and became fatter.  It is difficult to be nimble when you are bigger.  I feel nimble again.  Nimble of mind and of body.
• Sometimes I wonder why I treat the world with such solemnity and frustration, but then I remember the journey I have come through to get here, and the mere fact that I wonder at all reminds me that I am growing.
• One thing I am pleased about in my current health state is that people have stop asking me how I am doing with a gentility reserved for three-legged puppies.  I am taking this as a sign that I am getting healthier.
• This one is going to sound really basic, but it took me way too long to start living my life for myself rather than for others.  Simple things like how I set up my home and how I set up my fridge to how I design my house in a manner which is peaceful and relaxing to me are luxuries I didn’t know existed, let alone that I need them. 
• I know I am on the right path when I hear Echoes of my naive little ramblings in the mature wise voices of the past and of my history.

 

TCW

 It has been one month since I have written here.  Purely coincidental, but interesting that it has been that long.  Personally, I take that as a good sign meaning that I have been so busy living and doing, that I haven't had the time to document everything.  

It has been a whirlwind month of change yet again as Cheryl has left her lab tech job at UPEI.  We are calling this the summer of Cheryl.  

I am so grateful for so many things in my life, but this one speaks directly to the fact that Cheryl and I put our personal goals and dreams aside while we raised our family.  We fully accepted our roles at a young age when it was scary and unknown and have spent the last 30 years blazing our own trail.  None of our friends could really relate to everything that was thrown at us at a young age.  But we managed, then succeeded, then thrived.  Being so good at multi-tasking for so long has honed our efficiency and we have a lot of untapped skills that we have developed along the way. 

Now it is time for us to take our foot off the gas, slow down and re-visit our own personal goals and relationship goals.  But now with 30 years of experience, additional resources, a great support network of friends, colleagues and family, and each other's full support having been through the shit that we have, we are better equipped to thrive in the this new rapidly changing world.

To me, TCW represents our relationship.  Tim & Cheryl Wartman.  But TCW is only 100% total.  Theoretically if Cheryl & I were at our absolute perfection we could each throw 50% into the TCW bucket, but that will never happen.  Some days you have a lot to throw into the bucket, some days you have nothing, but if the other person has thrown stuff into the bucket, it is the cumulative total of the bucket that matters.  5% from C & 30% from T = 35%.  Equally, 10% from T & 25% from C =35%.