Split

During hurricane Dorian a few weeks ago, one of our 3 giant poplars split.  It did not fall, but it was cracked and ready to come down at any moment.  We had the tree removed and this is what is left.  It takes a lot to take down a tree when the roots are strong, but, as you can see, this one was cracked pretty deep.

It was only weeks later that I thought of the significance of this.  We had 3 giant poplar trees in a row and I worry about them every time there is a storm as they are so tall and so fragile.  We lost one.  Not unlike my children who I also worry about all of the time.  We lost one.

More dreams, but hopefully some clarification

Ok, bear with me...this could get a bit heavy and a bit trippy.  But I believe it has a light at the end of the tunnel....

So, I have been having a recurring dream over the past few months.  I believe it stems from an actual incident when Andrew as around 12ish.  He was flying a kite in our backyard and had it all the way to the end and could barely control it.  When I say this kite was high up, I could barely see it.  it was just a blip on the horizon over many power lines and streets.  I began pulling and pulling on the kite string and slowly the kite came back into view.  I was so nervous that it would land on power lines or on another street, but eventually we were able to reign it in.

I have never been scared of heights having done paragliding and wanting to skydive at some point in my life, but for some reason, this kite incident freaked me out.

Fast forward to 20-some years later and I started having dreams of Andrew in some sort of hot air balloon contraption and I am trying frantically to reign the balloon in.  But I can't.  It floats away and I wake up.

Other versions of this dream include Dan and Vicki in the balloon, and a kiteboarding version where the kids get so much air that they float away. 

I used to wake up from these dreams as nightmares, but the other night I had an inspirational dream.  I am no psychologist, but this makes sense to me.  In the most recent dream there were dozens of "balloon-type" contraptions in the air all attached to the land with ropes and chains and many of these ropes and chains were also attached to each other adding to the security of the balloons.  Once again, Andrew's balloon floated away, and Dan's started to float away but only went a few feet higher and then stabilized. ( I am sure this represents the fact that he is now moving out on his own).

I am not normally very lucid when I dream, but as I looked around, I could see the inter-connections between things and the rationalizations for how everything was related.  I took several messages out of this dream and now see it as a coping mechanism that my brain is trying to process a lot going on my life.  I realized:

• I have to let Andrew go.  His balloon has sailed and pulling all of the ropes as hard as I can can't stop that.
• As relationships change and kids get older, they need to branch out.  It doesn't mean they will float away.  (This is related to something that I have always said about parenting in that it is a long process of letting go.  When your child is born they need 24/7 care, but slowly, over time, you have to give some slack to the rope.)
• We are all inter-connected.  The ropes and the chains tying the balloons to the ground and the added strength of the connection to other balloons are they to staying sane.  To mix metaphors, it is the stability of the roots that gives a tree it's strength.
• Also, life can be scary.  You never know when someone's rope (or your own) is going to let go, so enjoy the ride.

I will no longer be scared of this dream.