Well, the date I have been dreading is upon us. Wednesday, December 11 would have been Andrew's 27th birthday. I plan to post some of this on facebook, so I figure I would hash out my own feelings and emotions here to determine how much I will share with the world. It has been almost 7 months since Andrew left us and I am not nearly as past this as I had hoped to be. My only previous experiences with death are Winston, Mom, Nanny and others and I thought that the wisdom that I had learned from them would prepare me somewhat for this. It did not.
I struggle with whether it is better or worse that he was not speaking with us for the last couple of years. On one hand, I would give anything to have that time back and see if things could have been different. On the other hand, it is really awkward as we prepare for Christmas without him, but also realizing that we had Christmas without him last year and he was alive and living 5 minutes away from us.
My best Andrew memories involve our annual bike trip from Charlottetown to Wellington (90km) with the obligatory stop at Frosty Treat. It was a great time to chat and open up without the interruption of daily life. That is how I will always remember you.
We are planning a meal with just the 4 of us to celebrate Andrew's birthday with tacos and walking nachos (his favourites) and I am hoping that in future years we can combine a toast to Andrew with our annual Christmas vacation / tree decoration event.
Adding to my anxiousness are external factors such as Uncle Steve being diagnosed with liver cancer after just coming through prostate cancer, other relevant deaths of people I worked with and various incidents of crimes of a sexual nature of people I know. All of this to say, I am not in a good place, 2019 sucked and I hope 2020 is better.
On the plus side, Cheryl and I are hoping to head to the Barbados to stay with Bruce & Gloria for a week in Feb/March.
Fuck you 2019!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
