Wow... what a whirlwind few weeks. Whereas most of my posts here are meant to give Cheryl and the kids a sense of who I was and what was important to me over the years in case anything should happen to me, this post is really a reflection for me and a reminder to myself to always remember your authentic self.
So, the play was fantastic. We didn't get the numbers that we wanted, but those who saw the show loved it. It was great that I had lots of friends and family who attended the show and everyone enjoyed it. It was so great to be a part of something so well-done without any weak links. Here is a link to Sean McQuaid's review of the show and the quote that, to me, best sums up my feelings about the play as well:
"There’s an appealing comic chemistry in the easy interplay of the four leads, all of whom get to play plenty of serious dramatic moments as well as loads of broad comedy. In fact, all four give the strongest all-around performances I’ve ever seen from any of them in any show—these are talented actors in peak form, and actor-turned-director Malone can be justly proud of his ensemble’s achievement."Source: BUZZon.com
http://buzzon.com/index.php/news-articles/columnists/108-mcquaid-sean/25202-reviewer-discretion
I jokingly said to friends this weekend, that I think this played triggered my mid-life crisis, and I don't think I was far off with that. As much fun as it was to be a part of this play, I am realizing that I am getting older. I was the old man of the cast and really noticed it as we went out for drinks and hung out as a cast.
I am completely happy in my life and realize that when framed properly I am much better off than almost anyone I know. I have a great happy, healthy family. I have a spectacular wife with whom I can communicate on some amazing levels thanks to our 22 years together and some great adventures along the way. I have a great job that pays me well, and have a great house that is the envy of family and friends. And I have a great set of friends who have been a part of our journey for a long time. Normally, my confidence is very high and pretty much unshakeable, however, over the past few weeks as part of coming down from the high of the play and some realizations about aging, I have been feeling very vulnerable and unsteady. This is new for me, and very disconcerting. I am hoping that I am almost through this phase, as it feels wrong considering how lucky I am.
I listened to Chef Michael Smith talking about his PEI experience and, although he was speaking about PEI culture, something he said struck a chord with me. He spoke about finding your authentic self. I love that expression. I think part of me got caught up in the play that I was in and being un-authentic? for lack of a better word. That along with a few other experiences over the past few weeks have caused me to be a temporarily unauthentic version of myself.
Enough of the negativity... I have started running again and it feels great. Looking forward to a great summer!
I am reminded of the Blue Rodeo song "Till I am Myself Again" and the lines:
I want to know where my confidence went
one day it all disappeared
and I'm lying in a hotel room miles away
voices next door in my ear
Daytime's a drag nighttime's worse
hope that I can get home soon
but the half-finished bottles of inspiration
lie like ghosts in my room
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKcZsBLS17U
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