Still trying to move on

Well, it has been a month since I last posted about the crazy times we are living in.

I have been trying desperately to move on and stay positive, but it has been a perfect storm of bullshit since Andrew passed away last year.  I have tried to rationalize my current state as I talk to other people dealing with the Covid19 pandemic including quarantine and social distancing, but somehow it seems worse for me right now.

Andrew passed away in May, 2019 and it was a blurb of family and friends and arrangements and I put off my grief while we dealt with the immediate needs.  I finally thought I was ready to speak to someone about my feelings and I ended up with a therapist that I did not care for and never went back.  I took a lot of time off over the summer of 2019 hoping that would help me get through things, but it only buried my grief deeper.

Add to that working from home and struggling to find meaning in my work as well as some health issues and it has become a perfect shitstorm over the past 18 months.

I am finding it hard to find the joys in everyday life and find myself overly negative.  I am also having difficulty making even the simplest decisions.  I used to make lists of the things I am looking  forward to (trips, vacation, Christmas etc.) but now I struggle to find things to look forward to.

I caught this video the other night and it made me feel a bit better.  I am hoping with time and trying to be positive I can start to feel more like my old self.

Here's to the rainbow.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OFv566mj7s