Old Friend

 

Sometimes I need to get out of my own head and remember where I come from, what I have been through, and where I currently am.  No one reminds me of this better than Jason.  

We met in Amherst on the weekend for one of our regular Tim/Jason getaways.  Formerly guys weekends, but as we age, it is more about just the two of us than all of the other guys that used to be involved.  It makes sense.  We started the tradition just the two of us in high school going camping, and then it evolved into guys weekends which were fantastic in their time.  As we got older though, and post-covid, no one really took the initiative to keep the tradition going.  But for Jason and I it was more than just a guys weekend.  It is a reminder for each of us to hold each other accountable and checking in to see if things are ok.  

For a long time things have not been ok for Jason, but this weekend was a turning point.  A throwback o who we used to be.  Just two silly 13 year old boys being goofy and trying to understand the world.  And as much as I felt that I needed to see for myself that Jason was doing ok, it turns out I needed this as much if not more than he did.

I have spent the last couple of years trying to prove to everyone that I am ok, and this was just a nice relaxing time to put all of my past shit behind me and move forward.  It was very cathartic.

When we get together it reminds me that not everyone has this luxury.  Life is short and you better damn well do what makes you  happy.  

Thanks for the great weekend and the flick to the forehead that I needed to live every minute of my life the way I want to.  

First try with the new blender

So, I have been neglectful in doing regular smoothies of late as our old smoothie blender has not been working well.  Cheryl found a fantastic new blender that she tells me works extremely well. 

It blended quite nicely until I forgot that it does not unscrew like our own blender, but, rather, you have to either drink it straight from the blender or pour it into a glass. 

Else, this happens.

I am sure the blender is fantastic, but my logic is that it only takes 3 minutes to set me up for the day.  After 15 minutes of cleaning, I did not have that 3 minutes left in me.  I finished a bag of chips as if I had earned them.

Jamaica Highlights

This is my favourite picture.  If a picture speaks a thousand words, then this one speaks a million. 

This picture exudes contentment.  Content with the life we have lived.  Content with the mistakes we have made.  But most of all content with how far we have both come in a crazy world that was stacked against us.  

I can hear the waves in this picture, so loud for the first two days that I thought we were in a storm.  The wind howled so loud at night those first couple of days, until I realized that the other side of the beach was peaceful and calm.  

I can smell the ocean just outside our room,   I can smell the green aloe cream slathered daily as a reminder of our fragility.  I can smell the jerk chicken cooking, wafting everywhere by 11:30am so that, even if you are not hungry, you instinctively crave chicken.

I can taste both the rum and the citrus in the rum punch.  I remember how much a few simple sips of alcohol open Cheryl and I up to sharing and bring back such strong happy memories of our past trips.

I can feel the outdoor shower pouring over my body as I stare up into the open sky, and I can feel the touch of Cheryl's skin on mine as we lie in our lavish bed staring out at this exact view.  I can  feel the warm jets of our 4 person hot tub as it cools my burns as I stare out into the blue sky and wonder what I did to deserve this.

But most of all I see.  both literally and figuratively.  With my eye surgery, I see things so much clearer.  But, on a deeper level, I SEE things so much clearer.  The colors and images of this trip seem sharper to me than ever before.  

For me this trip represents a full loop around the cycle from where we started.  I spent my 50th year examining my past and trying to make sense of it while also trying to not get stagnated in the past.  I am hoping that moving forward I can make sense of the past to help me shape my future.  But at the same time I realize that my past will not necessarily directly dictate my future.

Some of the many realizations I made this trip:

• Cheryl and I are way ahead of most people our age.  We have built a life of love and mutual respect in an age where people have no attention span and are easily distracted by technology.
• Although we are so different, that is what makes Cheryl and I so special.  Mutual respect and an intrinsic awareness that the other person has things to offer that we can't see on our own.  And a willingness to compromise. 
• All of our trips with friends and family have allowed us the opportunity to become great travellers.  Packing minimally, understanding the rules, knowing when you can bypass the rules, and generally travelling well.
• Every time we travel, bar none, I come home with a solid appreciation of PEI, Canada and the life that we live.  Regardless how I complain here about small things,  there is no place in the world that I would rather live in tumultuous times than PEI.  

 

30 years and counting

Nobody would have bet on us in 1994.  Hell, we probably would not have bet on us.  Such is life.  The older I get, the more special I realize we are.  Overcoming some incredible odds, crazy turmoil over the years and barely enough money to scrape by for much of the last 30 years, we defied the odds.  The longshot bet paid off for both of us.  

When I was 19 and found out we were pregnant, my mantra used to be "It doesn't matter what the odds are against you, when you are on the small end of those odds, you just have to keep plugging away".

Now I see what 30 years of plugging away gets you.  It gets you a solid relationship built on trust, commitment and the realization that although we approach things from drastically different ways, we always try to meet in the middle, which has been our saving grace.  By learning to compromise early in our relationship, it built into a consistent acceptance that compromise would be a normal part of our life, but in doing so allows us to see a greater spectrum of options from which to choose.

Our strength lies in our different perspectives, and our willingness and ability to let down our guards and be vulnerable enough to compromise.  

• When you marry your best friend, it is a party every fucking night 
• I hope you don't think we're normal
• You're a slob, but I think I can live with you
• I love you truly, madly, deeply
• She who carried my unborn children in her womb
• My brown-eyed girl
• Cheryl is Cheryling