5 Strange years later

 

A lot of emotions today.  On May 15^th it will be 5 years since Andrew died.  It has been a strange 5 years unlike anything in my life to this point.  In an effort to move forward, Cheryl and I and the kids are scattering Andrew’s ashes at Brackely Beach.  I have such great memories when the kids were young of leaving work and calling the kids to tell them to pack for the beach.  I would be off work at 4:00, Cheryl and I would swing home and pick up the kids who had already packed everything we needed.  We would swing through the Wendy’s drive through and pick up burgers and fries and a large pop to share.  Money was tight in those days and every penny counted.  We would arrive on the beach just as most people were leaving.  We would enjoy a couple of hours of beach time knowing that we could come back any time we wanted.  Such is the privilege of living on an Island 15 minutes from a beach.  At our peak, we probably did that about 20 times a summer.  It was probably the happiest we all were together.  Once the kids got older, there were always complications and other priorities.  It seems only fitting to leave Andrew where we were at our happiest as a family. 

The past 5 years have been full of highs and lows, but so drastically different from the 46 previous years of my life.  The lack of control over my own body let alone my kids has been an eye-opener.  Such is the blessing and curse of raising independent kids.  You teach them not to need you, and then they don’t.  But what I have gained in return, is a renewed sense of who I am as a person.  Not Dad, but Tim.  I am now free to explore my own interests at my own pace which, of late, is much slower, and I am ok with that.