20 years and counting....

Well,  after all of the lows of the past few weeks, Cheryl and I got to celebrate our 20th anniversary in Jamaica with our good friends Mark & Cathy.  It was so nice to get away from PEI for a bit to get some clarity and perspective on Mom's passing.  It also doesn't hurt that we missed 3 snowstorms while we were away. 

It's hard to believe how fast 20 years have gone.  I surprised Cheryl with a recording of the song I wrote for her for our Wedding in 1994.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmrpCvObsNc

It was amazing as I sifted through all of our old pictures to see how much we had accomplished over the past 20 years. 

Jamaica was amazing.  We stayed for the second year in a row at the Bahia Principe at Runaway Bay just outside Montego Bay.  The Jerk Chicken, Rum, Sun, food, and friends were amazing. We even spent our last day on the beach with musician Bruce Guthro and his family.  Great people. 

I said last year about our trip, that you get out of the trip what you need to.  I think I am still processing this trip as I was trying to forget about all of the lows of the past month, and focus on the highs of celebrating my 20th anniversary, but somehow my thoughts regularly drifted back to Mom.  I had a beautiful moment running on the beach in the morning when a rainbow appeared over the beach while I listened to the song "Say Something" and it was very cathartic.  I think, overall, that this was one of my favourite trips as there were so many good things.  Nobody got sick or too crazy.  The food was amazing, the weather was amazing, the beach was great, and because we already knew the resort we were able to settle in to our routine quickly:  Run, Breakfast, Beach, Bar, Jerk Chicken Lunch, Pool Bar or Beach in the afternoon, Siesta, Great Supper, Drinks & Show.

RIP Mom

Well, it has been one of the toughest weeks of my life.  On January 31, 2014 I said goodbye to my mom, Brenda Eileen Wartman.  After a long battle with COPD, her body finally gave up fighting.  Her battle started in 2009.  After a lifetime of smoking, her lungs finally had enough and she was hospitalized.  Over the past 4 years she had her ups and downs and there were a few times when we thought the end was near.  However, she fought hard and managed to achieve her last few milestones.  The birth of her 10th grandchild, David Gallant; her 65th birthday, alongside my grandmother who celebrated her 93rd birthday; her first old age security cheque, and our entire family together for Christmas. 

The past week has been an emotional rollercoaster, with the lows of realizing that my mother won't be around to watch her grandkids grow up, to the highs of seeing the support of my friends and family coming together in an outpouring of compassion and love.

While the funeral itself was brutal, I found the wake strangely comforting and empowering.  I gave Dad a piece of advice before it started, saying to "try to gather a bit of strength from each person coming through the line" and I think that's what we all did. 

While I appreciated everyone who was there, I found that those people who had lost a parent seemed to have an intrinsic understanding of the pain I was dealing with and were able to offer a deeper empathetic response.  I am hopeful that I, too, will be able to better offer my sympathies when dealing with others pain in the coming years.   One of the nuggets of wisdom that stood out for me, was from Jason Arsenault who lost his dad to cancer 2 years ago.  He said it took him a solid year to come to terms with his dad's death, and one of the things he realized is that life is too short to be doing things that you don't want to.  He ended up started a new career because of it.  While I don't think I will be leaving my position anytime soon, I am hopeful that as I make choices in the future, I will have a better clarity and perspective.

RIP Mom.  You will be remembered as a strong, determined woman who loved her family.