I remember everything

Love this tune by John Prine. Surprised I had not heard it before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L21Tc_DtL6M

Well, the cycle of death continues with Bill McFadden dying as well as my aunt Brenda. My fondest memories of Brenda involve saturday mornings in Moncton. While Mom & Nanny slept in, Dad would walk to the used bookstore with us where we would trade in our Archie comics. We would then stop in at Brenda's place. It was always special when Shawn, Randy or Shanna were home as they were older than us, but closest in age to us.

I am still getting by Day by day having had a bad health scare in September. I am feeling much better now and have stopped drinking which supposedly should help with the varisies on my esophagus. It is still strange times with Covid restrictions still in place, although there is hope that a vaccine might be availble next year. I have been working from home since March and it looks like government will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. It is quiet around the house with Dan and Vicki both moved out, but it is also nice as Cheryl and I have never had a place to ourselves having lived with roommates in university to being parents.

Uncle Stinky...

Uncle Steve (aka uncle stinky) passed away last night. We knew he was sick but I was caught off guard by how fast he went. Steve did not have kids of his own, and I always felt that he took us under his wing. He was the cool uncle when we were kids. Here are a few of my memories:

• Trading wallets - Steve used to offer to trade wallets with me and most of the time his was empty when he offered.  One time when I was about 12 he offered to trade and I had about 20 bucks, so I refused.  Turns out he had $300 in there. 
• When I was young I used to spend a week each summer with Nanny in Moncton.  Steve and Alan took me back home to PEI and I was violently sick during the ferry crossing.  Steve did not know what to do.
• Several times in Summerside he used to lead all of us kids in a harmonica solo like the pied piper around our house.
• He hosted so many BBQ's at his cottage in NB where he opened up his pool, kayaks, hot tub for all family to use.  He continued this tradition even after mom passed away which meant a lot to me.  We seem to have lost some connection to Mom's side of the family and Steve made a point to keep us in the loop.
• When we took the kids to Florida, Steve and Debbie made a point of joining us at Universal Studios for the day and ended up paying through the nose for their premium tickets.  They also introduced us to the Golden Coral Buffet.
• Steve taught me to drive a two wheel bike when he removed the training wheels.  All was going well until I hit the ditch and smashed up my face.  He felt pretty bad.

 

I imagine it is just part of getting older, but there have been many deaths of family and friends of late.  Andrew, Winston, Mom, Nanny, George MacNeill, Jean Kimpton and now Uncle Steve.  It is strange times we are living in when this is combined with Covid19 and stringent rules with masks and isolation.

Still trying to move on

Well, it has been a month since I last posted about the crazy times we are living in.

I have been trying desperately to move on and stay positive, but it has been a perfect storm of bullshit since Andrew passed away last year.  I have tried to rationalize my current state as I talk to other people dealing with the Covid19 pandemic including quarantine and social distancing, but somehow it seems worse for me right now.

Andrew passed away in May, 2019 and it was a blurb of family and friends and arrangements and I put off my grief while we dealt with the immediate needs.  I finally thought I was ready to speak to someone about my feelings and I ended up with a therapist that I did not care for and never went back.  I took a lot of time off over the summer of 2019 hoping that would help me get through things, but it only buried my grief deeper.

Add to that working from home and struggling to find meaning in my work as well as some health issues and it has become a perfect shitstorm over the past 18 months.

I am finding it hard to find the joys in everyday life and find myself overly negative.  I am also having difficulty making even the simplest decisions.  I used to make lists of the things I am looking  forward to (trips, vacation, Christmas etc.) but now I struggle to find things to look forward to.

I caught this video the other night and it made me feel a bit better.  I am hoping with time and trying to be positive I can start to feel more like my old self.

Here's to the rainbow.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OFv566mj7s

2020.... I spent a year there one afternoon....

It has been 5 months since I posted here, and what a 5 months it has been.  2020 has turned out to be one hell of a disappointment so far. 

We made it to Barbados and had a great week with Bruce & Gloria.  That's when the craziness began.  Literally, the day we returned to PEI (Friday the 13th, 2020).  They announced quarantines and travel restrictions due to the Corona / Covid 19 Virus.  This turned into a global epidemic with quarantines, social isolation, shortages of masks and hand sanitizer.  It has been 4 months and there is no end in sight, although some of the restrictions have eased including travel between the 4 Atlantic provinces. 

To add to the virus pandemic, there is global concern about racism include riots and police brutality, not just in the US but in Canada as well.

Donald Trump has somehow gotten worse as he rejects the pandemic even though the US has the highest amount of new cases on a regular basis.

I spent 11 days in the  hospital with anemic aggressive pneumonia and am only now coming around to normal status.

Many people, Cheryl and I included, are working from home due to the spread of the Covid 19 virus.  To date, including my vacation, I have not been in the office since March 1.  4 months working from home, but all of my  regional colleagues are in the same boat.  It is anticipated that the earliest we will be working from the office is September.

Crazy times.

Hypochondria & mortality issues

I have never been a hypochondriac.  My health has always been relatively good, especially given the fact that I don't eat particularly well and drink alcohol more than I probably should.  Regardless, my body has persevered.  Thrived even, as I ran a marathon in 2012 as well as numerous half-marathons, 10k, and 5k races. 

When I was young I used to subscribe to the motto "I would rather be fat and happy, than be skinny and unable to eat the foods that I love."  Ah, youth.  Health catches up with you as you get older.  I am now learning that my body does not bounce back like it once did and various illnesses are a potential.  Heart disease, stroke, cholesterol, liver disease, high blood pressure etc. 

As I continue through dry January, I am realizing that I am now hitting the age where I will need to start watching my health if I want to enjoy retirement and travel after 2030.  I did make the mistake of checking Dr. Google when I had a few symptoms over the past few months.  Bad idea.  Almost every symptom can potential indicate something serious, but in my case everything was just temporary and I feel fine now.  Not to self, do not check google when you have any symptoms.

On a separate note, I always thought that I was fortunate growing up that I rarely encountered death.  Instead of being lucky, what this did is allowed me to avoid what is an inevitable part of life.  The first real death that I remember affecting me is when my grandfather died when I was around 21.  Even then, it was surreal and was old and had led a great life. 

I am now hitting the point in my life when people around me are over the halfway point in their lives and some are dying.  In the past few years I lost Mom, Nanny, Winston & Andrew, all of which have taken a toll on me and made me reflect on my own mortality.

More recently, there have been more deaths and illnesses in quick succession.  Yvette's mom passed away suddently, my aunt Bev passed away,  Uncle Steve was diagnosed with a second bout of cancer after just getting over his first, Dale Tait is not doing well.  Surprisingly, what caught me off guard was Guy Cudmore, the owner of the garage across from my work that does all of the work on my van suddenly passed away at 58.  I spoke to him regularly and this came out of the blue.

Still trying to process all of this information.

Bring on 2020

We rang in 2020 with our last New Year's eve party.  We had a good run from 1994-2019, but it was time for us to hang up our hats.  Hopefully someone else will pick up the torch.

It was a quiet holiday season, but a nice break for all of us.  We didn't do much other than attending Cheryl's parents 50th anniversary.  Other than that, it was a quiet couple of weeks watching movies and relaxing.  Both Cheryl and I got sick over the past couple of days before heading back to work.  Still fighting the cold a bit, but almost over it.

I decided to do a dry January.  It has been over a week and so far so good.  I have dropped a few pounds and am feeling much more energetic.

We booked a trip to Barbados from March 4-12 to stay at Bruce & Gloria's condo.  Can't wait.

2019 sucked.... bring on 2020.