Artist in Residence

I am more artist than buraucrat, but art does not pay the bills.

Soul, Body, Mind. In that Order

I have always heard the adage about the connection between mind, body and soul, and it makes sense.  I had just never had the opportunity to see it in action.

Over the past couple of years, while I was dealing with Andrew's death,  my own increased drinking, battling depression, feeling unfulfilled at work, having difficulty figuring out how best to be there for the kids, while still attempting to figure my own life out, I had to deal with all 3 components.  Mind.  Body.  Soul

My soul was the easiest to tackle as I believe I have a truly empathetic soul with a genuine desire to help people and to "level up".   It did not take long to get my soul back into alignment as this involved mainly a bit of a reminder of where I come from, what my values are and where I want to be.  This, in essence, is the crux of being fucking fantastic.  Having a strong core and self-confidence in collaboration with years of experience and wisdom.  This was just a basic re-alignment.

My Body took longer, but over the past couple of years, and with a good kick in the ass from my liver and stomach, my body is now working quite well all things considered.  I really believe this is due, in part, to my overall energy level and sticking with running over the years, even as other aspects of my life went askew.  I am now at my healthiest weight yet, my liver numbers have stabilized, I start each day with a smoothie and try to eat healthy and haven't had a drink since September 15, 2020.  I think I am on the right path here.  I won't always be perfect, but even with a few vices here and there, I think I will be ok.

My mind.  This one has been trickier than I expected.  Having never been really sick before, I was unprepared for the mindfuck that accompanied the body issues.  While my body healed very quickly, my mind is taking longer to recover.  Often, it seems like I am revisiting aspects of my life to ensure that I am still remembering things accurately, while other times it seems like I have leveled up to a more comprehensive way of thinking.  It is a blessing and a curse to be an intelligent person going through "mind" issues.  I have always relied on my mind, and it is very disconcerting to second-guess myself.  I am hopeful that this is part of the healing process and will be temporary.  

It is hugely important for me to feel in control of my mind.  

Perennial

Perennial -  Lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually recurring. Perennial typically describes things that are permanent, constant, or repeated.

I am so happy that I live in a place where I am constantly reminded of the seasons and the small changes that capture the big changes happening all the time.

My life has been made up of these small changes, sometimes seemingly imperceptible until viewed through a magnifying glass.

But the perennial nature of my life keeps me in check with constant reminders of the fragility and beauty of life.  Some of the moments that stand out for me are:

• September and the smell of fresh air as it replaces the stickiness of summer.  Renewed commitment to the work ahead as the old dies off in preparation for new growth.  Shared memories with the kids of favorite fleeting moments of the summer and plans to do more.
• Halloween and a treat to remind us of the sweet summer behind us and the joy of being silly.
• Thanksgiving and an appreciation for that which we do have and the beauty and support that surrounds us.
• Christmas & New Years.  A celebration of the year that was and a new sense of optimism of a coming year with accompanying beauty, challenge and resolve.
• February.  Another spin around the sun and another year of strengthening and growing with growing potential for a healthy year.
• March-April.  As the snow thaws, our spirits return.  A sense of adventure and hope and a shaking off of the winter cobwebs.
• June - Full of potential.  All roads are clear.  
• July-August - LIVE LIFE and remember why you want to be here. 
• Rinse / Repeat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9VoLCO-d6U

Peace

What an adventure the last year has been.  On August 1, 2021, I came pretty close to dying, or at the very least being forced to drastically change my outlook on life and my lifestyle.  There has been a lot of ups and downs over the past year and I have learned a lot about myself, the environment around me and how I interact with the world.

Rather than dwell on each and every item that has changed me over the past year, I will, instead, try to jot down a few key ideas that I hope to carry forward with me on my journey.

*   Everyone has endured a unique set of criteria to get to the current point in their life.  Of this journey, we know very little, and, as such, we should reserve judgement lest someone judge us under similar circumstances.

*    This summer, in particular, has been an awakening for me of what is truly important in my life and realizing how truly fortunate I am.

As this summer draws to a close and we plan to hunker down over the next few months to prepare for our Italian Adventure, I am amazed at how much progress I have made in such a short period of time.  My cup is currently full as we plan the next stage of our journey. 

Unpopular Opinion

I have been actively trying not to write this post, but it has been niggling in my mind so regularly that I needed to write it down.  This is written with the awareness that this post might be triggering and disheartening to some of my family, but still needs to be said.

I try not to engage in religious discussions with people as I know it hits to to the core of a person's beliefs, but it is ironic that while I am dismissive of religion, I have to tread lightly in the real world, while those that believe in a specific faith are free to share their opinions even in the face of outlandish and shameful incidents throughout history.  Yet this is still allowed and encouraged.

I spent the last year working hard to become stronger after my stomach surgery, and when I posted about how hard I worked, some of the comments that came back were "praise God".  I worked my ass off over the last year, and the credit goes to God.  I find this an example of how humanity now seems to distance themselves from owning their choices.  By blaming God, you take away the responsibility and ownership of actions.  It's God's will.  Things happen for a reason.  Well, this logic stuns those people that don't believe in God, or at least that version of God.  Should I not be held responsible for my mistakes and actions, and by proxy get to own my victories?   I know when I make a mistake, I don't think "God let me down", so why would I think to say "Praise God" when I succeed. 

Thoughts and prayers seem to be the go to for mass shootings in the US, while the pope makes his way across Canada on his tour of apologies across Canada for the death of thousands of children under the protection of the Catholic church.  And to add insult to injury, my family now works for, and their lives revolve around this entity that has caused so much hurt and suffering in the name of doing good.  Yet, to speak out vocally on this topic is frowned upon.  Another layer of offending the easily offended and the easily led.

I  believe in almost all of the pillars of most major religions, but I have learned to pull the best out of the ones I like and to throw the rest back.  No one said it was a requirement to choose from a list.  And if religions were truly altruistic and genuine, would they not want people to just generally be better, rather than adhering to their particular brand of religion?  Particularly ones with disturbingly dark histories.