I am trying something different. I am having a down day. Nothing really wrong, in particular. Just feeling low. Normally when this happens, I recognize it and take steps to bring myself up with something from the large arsenal of tools that I have to draw from. Tools that can remind me of how good my life is. But, this time, I am going to play into it a bit. I might not write everything I am thinking in the next few moments, but I am going to dwell in the negative in my head.
I listened to a comment made by Tom Power, host of Q, on CBC where he indicated that a therapist once induced a full on panic attack in him in a safe place and when he finally came through it, he realized that it was only 7 minutes from start to finish. 7 minutes until the feeling passes and reality sets back in. Hardly worth getting upset over.
I don't know if there is any correlation here, but I find that at my lowest moments I envision the current state as being permanent and never-ending. Regardless of the old adage, this, too, shall pass, it is difficult to wrap my brain around the concept that, like an ice cream headache, which seems intolerable, the pain will subside. Conversely, when things are on an ultimate high, this, too, will not last.
So, in the moments of writing this entry, I have allowed to my mind to process some of my darkest thoughts, and biggest fears knowing that dwelling on them will neither make them a reality, nor will it make them fiction. They just are.
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