This one is gonna be a a long rambling piece as I do not have the energy to edit or streamline my thoughts coherently. This will be an exercise in free writing on a theme. The theme is a weekend full of death and death-adjacent stuff.
We spent Friday night driving to Morell to go to Wade Czank's mom's wake. It was cold and dark and wet, but Cheryl felt we should go. When we walked into the small funeral home, a group of people were mid-rosary in a cult-like chanting zone. Just a little bit triggering for me. Cheryl motions for me to sit down which I do and listen to the incessant drone of fruit among women drilling into the recesses of my mind and stirring up ancient memories of previous incantations. Not knowing how far into the droning we were, I found my happiness and luckily the droning was short-lived. We then waited at the front of the funeral parlour where Melody loudly explained to us about the 91st anniversary of their store which seemed particularly loud and unnecessary in a small venue.
Saturday we went to visit Barb Tait at Dad's and I failed to remember that my visits with Dale and Barb have been separate from Dad's for a long time now and how I interacted with Dale and Barb is not how dad and Joyce do. It was great to see Barb and we have made plans to visit her again in Moncton before Christmas.
Sunday we went to visit Kilby at her request. Her Ovarian Cancer has returned a 3rd time and this time it is inoperable and aggressive. We opened up a dialog, but it has been so long since we connected I am unsure how to proceed here. She seems to have a good support system in place, so I think my best course of action is just to see what she reaches out with.
A couple of other death-related topics this weekend. Richard Michaud's parents died within 48 hours of each other. Sherri Quinn's father died at his 75th birthday party just after the party was over. This seems like a good way to go. Surrounded by family and everyone happy and together. Also of note, I listened to the story of Jane Little, an orchestral conductor who died conducting her final orchestra doing what she loved.
Lots of data there - What is the output? Live, Love, laugh, be happy, don't be a dick, life is short, it never goes the way you plan, do what you gotta do, let your freak flag fly, carpe diem, yolo, if it isn't working drop it, don't waste time you don''t have, but at the same time slow down and enjoy the things that are important to you. Don't race to jump onto other people's journeys. Your own will arrive. When you allow yourself to see it. Don't get bogged down in work, but work hard and dilligently when you do. Measure twice, cut once. Better yet, measure 10 times, cut once. No one says the second measurement is a guarantee. Take risks, but take calculated risks. Know your rough chances before you take the leap, but sometimes take the leap anyway regardless of the chances.
Steering dangerously close to the sunscreen song now, so that's my cue to stop typing.
Tim - When you re-read this later in life. Don't forget that music is the key. Whenever you are feeling down. Music: Play it, listen to it, groove to it, dance to it, feel it. Deep down, the beat of the music speaks directly into my soul and has brought me back from so many dark places. Start with a little Stevie Wonder - Superstition and feel the groove from there.
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