Dizzy just thinking about it

I heard an interesting piece on CBC about dizziness.  As kids we all swing and spin and have merry-go-rounds, tilt-a-whirls.  Then we graduate to roller coasters.  Humans generally enjoy the feeling of being dizzy.  Researchers have shown that apes will actually spin around a lot and seem to enjoy the feeling of euphoria.  

The article went on to talk about the fascination with whirling dervishes and how they spin so much. 

Since we don't know specifically why we are alive and nothing else has ever fully explained out presence here, I wonder about the idea of euphoria.  

It is not that much of a stretch to see Alcohol and drugs as the next logical  progression here which could lead to customized drugs.  (Is there a story idea here?  What happens when you take someone's customized drugs?  Do you take on their personality?  similar to adhd meds where it winds people up? but more complex?)

On a personal level, I enjoy dizziness a lot.  I love the feeling of traction and resistance working towards but slightly against a goal.  Not sure if that makes sense outside of my head, but I prefer a slight bit of manageable resistance as opposed to nothing as it provides a slight challenge and is a background on which to see how grounded I am in reality.

Spring Thought Dump

• I would add an addendum to the old adage that everyone is going through Journey that you do not understand that often, they, themselves don't even understand the journey that they are on
• I need to write about what I know because that message rings true.  If I am writing about stuff I don't know or fully completely understand it will be less meaningful both to myself and to others.. I am now at a level where I have enough experience and knowledge to write my truth based on my experiences so far.  
• Story idea for the passing of knowledge and wisdom from generation to generation where we have evolved and are able to pass consciousness or information from one body to the next we're all part of a system when we hit 10 billion people the system is triggered new level but information is passed is there some something we discover that allows us to transfer information beyond death to the Next Generation could cause potential conflicts and
• Something I do when I make decisions as I factor in assuming that this is going to this decision is going to last forever through the rest of my life so if I decide I I'm going to eat peanut butter that I'm going to eat peanut butter for the rest of my life.  But the reality  of the situation is that things will never last for that length of time in reality it will last for a shorter period of time and then it'll fizzle out into something new my decisions based on will this last forever and that's not accurate  (From a voice text.  Probably should decipher better).
• One of the things that strikes me about coming through pain or grief is the fact that you never know when you're at your lowest point you never know when you're through it you never know how far the level stretch one way or the other you never know when you're back and you never know when you can go back into a depression again
• Our consciousness is continually fabricating stories to help verify and explain how we are experiencing reality.  I believe this will prove to be both the foundation of the human experience.

OG Tim

While I love Tim 2.0 and could not imagine living my life any other way, there is one niggling little trait from OG Tim that I miss.  I find I overthink things too much lately.  I always did, but there was a light-heartedness about it that felt mild.  The idea that it is good to plan, but to understand that if was ok if things didn't go the way you expected.  My motives were usually true, so I didn't get bogged down in the semantics of whether I should dwell on things any deeper. 

Lately, though, there seems to be a bit of an edge to my overthinking.  I worry and stress more than I used to, sometimes about issues that are not that important. 

I miss carefree, fun, unfiltered Tim sometimes.  When I were doing something mildly off-color or even more serious mis-steps, I could brush them off relatively easily. 

Now, though, I did in deeper than I used to on things.  Perhaps this is triggering because of Andrew's death and the thought that perhaps we could have done more, even though I know logically this is not the case.

Either way, the lesson for today is that the less I overthink and dwell on anything other than the present, the better my life becomes and this trickles down to those around me who can feed off my energy.

Immersive - The Hot Tub Sessions

My original title was Balls Deep with Tim - The Hot Tub Sessions, but I figured "Immersive - The Hot Tub Sssions"  would be a better title.

Concept:  5-10 minute video podcast filmed in my hot tub with the backdrop of the North River.  Start with a Proust Questionnaire type thing.  Standard questions to ask each guest.  1.  What is the meaning of life + others.  A few generic questions and then a few specifics about key topics. 

Great for remembering old stories, catching up with old friends and family.  Documenting old memories, passing on history to next generation.  Intro line from Cheryl's song.... "  We just need a little time...."  Intro with text and then just a straight shoot.  Maybe add some links and images and references as they come up, but very limited editing.  Store at home on external hard drive.  Upload to youtube hidden and share links as needed.

Omnivert Part 3 - The "So What" Factor

So that is a lot of new information for me to process about myself overt the past 12 hours or so.  I have spent a lot of time over the years trying to wrap my head around who I am having always felt a little uncomfortable with myself.  When I am around other introverts, I feel extroverted and gain confidence and at some point feel and become extroverted.  And not just a little extraverted, but, "get on a stage with professional musicians and sing and dance and act with 3 weeks notice after a 5 year hiatus and a total reshaping of my world" kind of extroverted.  At which point I start hanging out with true extroverts and I begin to feel very introverted around true extraverts and get very anxious.  Then, once the extraverted activity is complete, I immediately turtle and burrow and "nest" into my fortress of solitude to contemplate the journey I just took.  Once I have processed this and can come back to a homeostasis or grounded place I try to maintain an equilibrium until the next bout of extraversion occurs.  

I have spent so much of my life trying to maintain a consistency that was never in my nature.  I struggled to try to be consistent while the very nature of the omnivert is to be in flux and flexible and adaptable.  I always thought it was "human nature" that people were constantly trying to figure out whether they were introverted or extraverted.  It bothered me that I could never get an accurate read on mbti tests constantly fluctuating between an E and an I.  My worst thoughts on this involved me thinking that I might be a fraud to myself since I couldn't even accurately answer a simple personality test consistently.  I sometimes wondered if I self-sabotaged my tests in an effort to give the proper answer rather than how I truly felt. The simple awareness of the Omnivert personality has provided me such a clear lens with which to view myself.  It is like I was trying to make other lenses fit, but finally found the right lens.  It is a feeling the reminds me of when I had laser eye surgery.  Such a life-changing moment. 

I really feel that this will help me to be easier on myself going forward.  I know I have been hard on myself, but part of that stems from the fact that I never really felt part of something.  So many aspects of my life are emblematic of this E/I pendulum I am on.  The pendulum has always been a symbol in my life:

• Billy Joel - I go to Extremes song.  Always resonated with me.  Great tune for all, but always felt familiar.
• Government/Theatre worlds - Such drastically different skillsets. The ability to thrive in such unique and different worlds is not a skill many people have. 
• The ability to be chameleon-like and blend in lots of situations.  
• Surprising people when they don't expect it.  Jess mentioned to Cheryl she didn't see me as an actor.  Not surprising since we only met a few years ago and I was mainly in (I) mode since Andrew died.  my (E) side had not come out much over the past few years.  
• I have always resonated with the word duality when it comes to my personality and often felt like 2 different people.  The guy doing research and writing government-level documents and at the same time wanting to be in the spotlight and wild and crazy and silly.  Clark Kent during the day, Superman at night.  Great concept, but very difficult to pull off.  
• One quote that hit close to the bone said that omniverts are able to derive satisfaction from things outside of their work environment so they are able to work in jobs that may not be fulfilling as they can adapt their personalities to find fulfillment in any number of places. (For me this is music, guitar, biking, going to the gym, walking on the beach, family and friend time)

Looking forward to exploring the concept of the Omnivert to try to better figure myself out and to be a better person for myself and those around me.

Omnivert Part 2.5 - Alan Weiss

Alan Weiss is credited as creating the term Omnivert and the first reference I can find is from his website from 2017.  

https://alanweiss.com/the-omnivert/ 

August 15, 2017

 

Alan’s Thought For Today

The Omnivert

You are really not an introvert or an extrovert, but rather you’re somewhere on that continuum. The key is to be able to move along it one way or the other as conditions require. There are no perfect personality styles, not matter what any test or horoscope (often one in the same) may tell you. There is only one vital trait.

Flexibility.

Omnivert Part 2 - Omnivert vs. Ambivert

Okay, Part 1 was background Omnivert Information, Part 2 is Omnivert vs. Ambivert and I am hoping that Part 3 will be my own self analysis now that I am aware of being an Omnivert.

https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/personality-types/ambivert-vs-omnivert#1-what-is-omnivert
If an ambivert is somewhere between an introvert and an extrovert, an omnivert can be both introvert and extrovert — an introvert at some times and an extrovert at others. 

They may be their extrovert self one day, partying with friends, and an introvert for the next day (or so) to recharge their social battery. Let’s break that down a bit for clarity’s sake: 

• They need people, and they need to give their extroverted self room to shine. 
• But they also need alone time to recharge (typically after being an extrovert).
• Faced with a potentially overwhelming social situation, they’ll be more introverted.
• When lonely after an introvert recharge, they’re ready for some extroverted fun. 
• They might hang with friends or groups at different ends of the spectrum at different times, depending on their social energy needs. 
• That said, if an omnivert throws a party, get ready for a good one. Then get ready for them to disappear for a day or two afterward.

There are clear differences between an Omnivert (O) and an Ambivert  and (A).I am most definitely an Omnivert (O).

• Suppose introversion is the North Pole, and extroversion is the Equator. In that case, the ambivert happily exists between them, while the omnivert jets from one extreme to the other, depending on their internal weather forecast. 
• Ambiverts are an introvert and extrovert mix, showing their extroverted side when external circumstances require it. In other words, they adapt to the social demands of their situation. Omniverts are more one than the other, depending on their internal circumstances. 
• One day, if they need to be around people, they’ll shine as brightly as any classic extrovert. Another day, they’ll be far more inclined to spend time alone to recharge their social battery. 
• When an omnivert is in extrovert mode, they are unmistakably extroverted. And when they’re in introvert mode, their introversion is patently obvious. There is no in-between.
• Ambiverts don’t have introverted or extroverted modes, but they can show more extroversion if the situation calls for it. They can be outgoing or outspoken when needed. They can also be quiet and thoughtful listeners. 
• In between extrovert and introvert, the ambivert represents balance between the two at any given moment; the omnivert balances the two over the course of days. 

• you might at least identify with an I-leading type and an E-leading type, even if the following three letters aren’t the same. 
• In either case, most days, you feel more like a hybrid than a specific type. 
• If your MBTI test result varies by the day (e.g., an INTP one day, an ENTP the next), you might be an omnivert. Some days, you identify strongly with an E-leading type, while on others, you’ll identify more as an I-leading type. 
• Ambiverts generally seem more emotionally stable since, at any given moment, they show a healthy balance of introversion and extroversion. Their social skills don’t vary as much as those of an omnivert, though they do still need to recharge to make the most of their extroverted side. 
• Both social types need to recharge. But the need for that recharge is more evident with the omnivert. And it can take longer for the latter to feel ready for something that calls for their “damn the torpedoes” extrovert mode. 
• In general, the ambivert comes across as more adaptive, while the omnivert’s approach to social demands is more reactive and dependent on their social energy levels.
• Those who associate with an ambivert are more likely to see them as “normal” in the way they socialize — showing neither extreme introversion nor extreme extroversion. 
• It’s an unfair generalization, but omniverts are more likely to be misunderstood than ambiverts because they seem more “changeable.” 
• With ambiverts, even when they’re more extroverted, they seem like the same people. Omniverts in full extrovert mode act very differently from their introvert mode. 
• Think of a teeter-totter (or seesaw) — a balanced one (with maybe some gentle teetering) represents an ambivert. One that teeters all the way from the ground on one side to the ground on the other represents the omnivert. 
• Ambiverts neither avoid social situations, nor do they actively seek them out. But when they do socialize, it’s often with the same or similar groups of people. 
• The omnivert’s choice of company generally depends on the state of their social battery. In extrovert mode, they’ll hang with fellow extroverts, going out to party or even throwing a party of their own. In introvert mode, they’ll want to be alone, or they’ll enjoy companionable silence with an introverted friend or two. 
• In either case, other friends might feel neglected or passed over, but the omnivert won’t forget them for long. They know the value of having friends for both seasons.
• If this is someone you’ve been worried about, there’s a good chance they’re an omnivert. They get that a lot. On the other hand, this could be an ambivert who’s been going through something and hasn’t been their usual adaptable self. 
• It needs to be said, here, that neither social type is superior to the other. Each has its strengths and weaknesses — just like classic introverts and extroverts. 
• The more you know the best things about your type, the more you can enjoy them.

Omnivert Part 1

There are only a few moments in my life where I have felt truly seen and understood both by others and myself.  Over the years I have tried to keep tabs on my strengths and weaknesses, pros, cons, things I do well, things I am passionate about.  But regardless of how much introspection I put into myself, I always felt like I was trying to grasp water.  Just when I would start to understand my own nature, I would pivot and things wouldn't line up properly in my own mind as I tried to navigate my own direction.  I have always felt like I was at odds with myself like a pendulum swinging to extremes of my personality without the ability to land on a particular spot. I always assumed this was human nature and we all struggled with the path we are on and maintaining it.  Somehow, though, I still felt different. 

Today I discovered the word OMNIVERT.  I am 50 years old and I have never heard this term.  I don't know how long it has been around or if I am just late to the game on this one, but this term sums me up in a nutshell.  I have yet to find any aspect of the omnivert that does not apply to me.  

Omniverts are people who experience extremes in introversion and extraversion. Unlike ambiverts, omniverts have trouble balancing outgoingness and shyness. As a result, they can seem like they have a dual personality depending on the situation they're in. 

https://facedragons.com/lifestyle/whats-an-omnivert/  

https://liveboldandbloom.com/10/personality-types/ambivert-vs-omnivert

• Omniverts can be understood as hopping from one social personality to the other. They can be both outgoing and quiet, fearless and shy. These are the people who give you social whiplash – when you meet them in a new setting, you never know exactly how they're going to be.
• Omniverts are people who have the best of both worlds. They're introverts and extroverts rolled into one! Omniverts tend to be more flexible and adaptable than either personality type. They're also good at both networking and problem-solving.
• Being an omnivert grants you the access to the secret world of introverts - you learn how to listen effectively. The less you talk, the more you listen, it means the more you comprehend and become wiser - you do not soak up in your own utopia or problems.
• Most people on the introversion scale shy away from the spotlight. They don’t like being center stage. But omniverts love it till they hate it. The extroverted part of their personalities craves attention, but at the same time, it takes a toll on them.
• Extroversion, one of the big-five personality traits, exists on a scale from very introverted to very extroverted. In the center of this scale are introverted extroverts and extroverted introverts, both of which are often called ambiverts.
• An omnivert is unique because they don’t belong in any one position on the extroversion scale. Instead, they constantly switch between the two opposing ends.
• Omni, from the Latin word “omnes,” means “all” or “both,” so an omnivert is someone who is both extroverted and introverted. Unlike ambiverts, however, omniverts don’t display both personalities simultaneously. Instead, they may be extroverted one day and timid the next.
• Knowing someone is an omnivert will signal that this person switches between being introverted and extroverted. Getting a read on which mode they are currently in will give you much more success in social interactions dealing with them.
• When socializing in extrovert mode, happily interacting with other people and speaking their minds, it might be the right time to introduce new people or go out to public places. But when they are in “introverted mode,” speaking only when spoken to and avoiding large groups, it might be time to go somewhere quiet or do solo work.
• They’re Sociable but Not with Everyone
• You see an outgoing guy across a room effortlessly chatting with a small group and go over to see what’s so interesting. After a few moments, the group of people dissolves, the social situation changes, and the guy in the spotlight suddenly goes mute.
• You Do Your Best to Keep the Conversation Going but Quickly Realize You’re Fighting a Losing Battle
• Ambiverts are introverted extroverts; they can be friendly with others who fall into a similar category or ‘get them.’ But they’re not natural extroverts and so don’t expect them to hold a conversation well in new circumstances
• They Back Out on Plans They Seemed Pumped for
• An omnivert is part extrovert and part introvert and can switch between their two personalities. If you catch them in extrovert mode, they may seem the life of the party and may make plans for the next day.
• Once they switch back into introvert mode, they realize they need time alone to recharge their batteries. They regret the plans their ‘alter ego’ made and will either back out of them or attend begrudgingly. 
• Beware, the guy that comes along the next day might not be the party animal you knew the day before.
• They Feel Shy with Extroverts and Wild with Introverts
• When confronted with a group of true extroverts, an omnivert may turn to their introverted side for comfort and feel that they need time to go and be alone to recharge.
• On the other hand, when they are with a group of quiet friends, they thrive and feel the need to be the life of the party. So if you have a friend that seems to switch to be the opposite of the group around them, they might be an omnivert
• They are Open, Honest, and Good Listeners - A good listener is hard to find, but omniverts are just that. Their introverted side makes them willing to let someone else talk rather than just waiting for their turn to speak.
• If someone constantly dominates a conversation, they’re not an omnivert. But omniverts will still let you know what they think. So if you want an honest discussion, you can’t beat an omnivert.
• Personality Tests Always Say Something Different
• These tests always start with the assumption that the individual’s personality is fixed and unchanging, but these tests can be confusing for an omnivert who flips between personality traits. For example, if someone tests high in extroversion one day and low the next, they are likely an omnivert.
• Their Personality Can Change in Different Social Situations
• Because the omnivert personality is two personalities fused, sometimes it can seem like they have a dissociative identity disorder. For example, someone you thought was shy might suddenly come out of his shell. In addition, while an omnivert is unlikely to display alpha male qualities, they may be a sigma male.
• They Love and Hate Being the Center of Attention
• Most people on the introversion scale shy away from the spotlight. They don’t like being center stage. But omniverts love it till they hate it. The extroverted part of their personalities craves attention, but at the same time, it takes a toll on them.
• They Need Alone Time to Recharge
• Like most introverts, the omnivert gets energy from time alone, unlike the extrovert, who gets it from others.
• How Rare Are Omniverts?
• There have been no studies to discover just how many of us are omniverts, so it’s hard to determine how many omniverts there are in the population.
• One thing is sure, though, omniverts are much rarer than ambiverts. Most people live in the middle of the extroversion scale and have both extroverted and introverted traits. But it’s not often you meet someone who’s never in the middle of the scale and instead bounces from the two extremes.
• These two personality types can be challenging to separate. Introversion and extroversion exist on a scale, and very few people are at the extremes. Most people live somewhere on either the extroverted or introverted side. But there are about 25% of people that exist close to the center. These are the ambiverts.
• Ambiverts are either introverted extroverts or extroverted introverts. They are a mix of both personality types.
• Omniverts, on the other hand, aren’t in the center of the scale. Instead, they flip from being on the extroverted side to the introverted side. One day they may be the life of the party, and another, they want time alone.
• Ambiverts always feel the same and seem stable to others, whereas omniverts can seem like they have bipolar disease. They don’t. They just bounce between their two personality types frequently.

Famous Omniverts

Eminem

• If you’ve seen Eminem on stage or when he’s hyped up, it would be easy to assume that he is an extrovert, but in many interviews, he’s quiet, reflective, and even a little shy. So, unsurprisingly, he created a rap pseudonym, Slim Shady, to express his extroverted side.

Salma Hayek

• Though she often seems like she loves the spotlight and talking to everyone around, she told the HOLA! USA she wasn’t always so outgoing. “I suffer from stage fright. No one would know it, but I get it really, really bad. If you take the camera away and put me in front of an audience, I just die.”

Beyoncé

• She told Parade Magazine about her alter ego, Sasha Fierce, “I created my stage persona to protect myself so that when I go home, I don’t have to think about what it is I do. Sasha isn’t me. The people around me know who I really am.

Omniverts in relationships

• If you find yourself dating an omnivert, it might feel like you’re dating two different people. However, the most crucial factor to maintaining a successful relationship with someone with different personality types will be flexibility and managing your expectations.
• You’re really in a relationship with two people, one an introvert and one an extrovert, and you never know who they will be today. Their personality changes are not rational and challenging to predict, so although you may have made plans to go out to a busy bar tonight, be flexible enough to change your plans if you sense that your partner is in introverted mode.
• Omniverts in the workplace
• Check out this list of the worst jobs for introverts. Omniverts should avoid them too. Instead, they should look for jobs that introverts love because their introverted side will excel in them, and they can always get their extrovert fill from their social life instead.

Thought Vomit

Some Random Thoughts I have had that I have been meaning to post here.

• Story idea -  the search to find the one out of 7 billion people on earth who is THE ONE in the ranking order kind of like squid games but more global incorporating the idea of 100 monkeys typing on 100 computers typewriters would eventually produce the works of William Shakespeare if volume people plugging away forget to different levels and it took takes a certain number of people to hit a certain level and we're nearing that completion now saying that 10 billion people range and when we hit that supposedly somebody the one say it would make sense if it was someone who was born now that's alive to maximize interest in the story if the person was alive in the present moment.  Could narrow things down or keep vague.
• I used to have the confidence to act first quickly and then think later while now I strive to have the wisdom and experience to think first and speak later.
• (Play related) I need to heavily document this next four weeks of my life it could be possibly the most creative I have ever been and I think it's something that I will look back on and we'll try and reexamine my feelings and my thoughts through this journey as it is so extraordinary unbelievable and I such strange twists and turns opportunity for a play here for a short story possibly one of my own doing a man is trapped between veteran government for lack of a better term the pot Between Two Worlds to try and to decide where he fits best
• Acting is a very strange profession where you fake being confident and have to be very good at it
• Weird thought about religion if there is a higher power who created us bad intelligent and that's smart that they're able to create us to create us then why would they need blind obedience to a strict protocol 
• There is no future just the Eternal present. Grooving with the Eternal now. Grooving in the Eternal now
• The idea that you have to put aside what you love to be good at to get ahead when getting ahead is to get to what you love.
• There is an expectation to always be available or productive.  U.RGENCY CULTURE
• I think somewhere after Andrew was born and between University and becoming parents I settled in on who are should be rather than who I am and started trying to become a better person family which is all well and good but the reality is that it's not truly who I am and I am now currently discovering who I am without having the parameters of trying to be a mentor and a role model for others pressure dog pressure aside and just focus on me.  Hopefully the result will inadvertently teach the kids to strive for who you are rather than who anyone expects you to be.  This generation seems to have a good grasp on this, but I grew up taught to try to fit in and blend in. 

Continually fighting the same problem

 

I listened to a great podcast today on CBC talking about how we are continually fighting the same problem which is why it often seems like we are repetitive.  By continually struggling with the same problem our brain is telling is that this is still an unresolved issue.  Perhaps it will never be known, but the smart play here is to be aware of it, and play against it to try to dig a little deeper each time it happens to try to determine the cause and to keep striving to solve a problem/fight a demon/ answer a question. 

But it is also good to remember that there is no past or future, so sometimes digging too deep just causes a bigger hole with no end in sight.  

It is important to know the difference, although by the time you figure it out you might be in a deep hole, covered in dirt and tired.

Onward and Upward

The dust has settled on the chaos of the past few weeks and things are starting to get back to normal.

I notice that I still have moments of enlightenment and incredulity about the world around me, but that is fading quickly.  My writing here is getting less frequent and less passionate.  I guess that is the normal ebb and flow of life.  We all have our highs and lows.  I am glad that I got to experience this last high and document it in relative real time so that I can remember how excited I felt in that liminal space.  My brain was making lots of connections and seeing lots of possibilities, but the farther that I get away from that liminal experience, the weaker my connection to the possibilities becomes.  

Sometimes I feel like I have been re-living aspects of my life over again to see if I would make the same choices or different ones.  Ever since I got sick, I feel like I have been rebuilding myself and having to make conscious decisions about who I AM.  I believe I am a stronger, more self-aware, more vulnerable, more empathetic person and hope to continue on that journey.